Hello loves, A very big warm hug to you all for the patience, love, and support shown to me all through my hiatus, I am truly grateful and I believe you guys have a lot of questions you want to ask me. That is why I decide to do a life update post that will divulge to you what I’ve been up to since my last blog post (inhales deeply).
Where do we begin? Ok, let’s start with the fact that I’ve stalled this post for months, yes, months! This long break didn’t actually start as one. I never planned nor intended to go on a break but, you know… “Life happens.” Truth is that life is still happening (Me: Hi, could you please hold on a minute, I need to catch a breather. Life: Sorry, not happening. Keep up!). To make this write-up easy for me to write (err, actually, complete) and less lengthy or draining for you to read let’s discuss this below in five (5) categories.
I’m starting with this because personal spiritual life is vital to me. The year 2017 ushered in immense growth in my spiritual journey in ways I had never known, I became in tune with the voices inside my mind, communicated more with God in my own way through prayer, songs, journaling, thoughts, meditation, and silence! Guys, it was an incredible period for me. I looked forward to a greater time in 2018. Sadly, I couldn’t get what I bargained for. My high hopes of strengthening my personal spiritual journey spiraled downwards. I could barely gather my thoughts in prayer or meditation, my singing voice became a mute and right till this moment that I type I sit there/ lay there/stand there, yearning to just speak, sing, cry, Something… Anything…Still, Nothing! Reading to open my mind became frustrating, trying exhausted me even more till I decided to let go, at least until I naturally start to flow again without force. I have been inconsistent with fitness too. Help!
The little voice in my head reads this then proceeds to laugh aloud. Personal growth? What is that? Hi, stranger. Six months into the year 2018 and I’m unabashed to tell you guys that this year sucks, I’m yet to kickoff anything concrete from my to-do list. I’ve shamed myself a million times in my head to care about what anybody has to say in mockery or judgment. The one thing I can count as positive right now in my personal growth is that I’m becoming better as a person, I consciously check myself from time to time, and I’m now a better friend. When I look at myself, I’m like. “Life is throwing heavyweight punches at you, clearly, you’re hit and you’re in terrible shape but, you’re still here. I am still here, Guys. I’m writing this.
This is one bright side of what I’ve been up to since my last blog post. As I mentioned earlier, I am becoming a better friend, I should probably credit this to the amount of time I spend in my head. It’s given me a reason to try to understand others, a reason to see things from another person point of view, show empathy and give a shoulder for someone to lean on (because I know what it feels like to have somebody be there for you; even if they don’t have solutions to your problem, just sitting there alone in silence together is comforting). New relationship bonds have formed in the last few months, some friends have constantly shown up for me. The nuance of this part of my life makes my heart smile. Truly, I am thankful.
What’s new? I mean…you guys have front seat access to how my blogging has played out since the month of February. Although my inability to come up with a cohesive post title or difficulty in gathering my thoughts played a large role, there are other contributing factors such as photographer challenge, my day job, money, willpower, and NYSC. Since, I got back to Abuja, finding a photographer that understands and connects with my artistic side has been hard, I’ve met a couple wonderful photographers, to be honest, but it goes beyond that; there needs to be a connection and clear understanding of ones’ direction, creatively. Also, if I haven’t learned anything thus far, I’ve learned that the energy that is most prominent in your place of work can make or mar the rest of your day/week/month. Do I need to explain the money part? We all need money right? All of these came together to keep me unmotivated for a really long time. My girl Joanah didn’t let this sly, she came through with a steady dose of Inspiration and love (thank you!).
A good dose of self-care keeps you going when it gets tough. Whenever it seemed like my challenges eating me into the ground I found little ways to show my mind and body some TLC. If a good quality face moisturizer, book, food, outing was the one thing that made me happy at that moment; I went for it broke or not (I can’t come and go and die). As silly as it may sound, those little 5 minutes self-care high became my escape from my challenges. While I struggle with this thing called adult-ing (Yea, that thing where you pay bills, earn a living, I’m learning that sometimes, its fine to not know it all or have it everything under control.
This post is in no way encouraging laxity. I am not sharing this to get pity or attention either. I’m speaking my truth, coming to terms with failure and the reality that it does happen. It is normal to fail sometimes, that is how one grows. You fail, you get up and push some more! I will not shroud my failures and celebrate only victories. I discuss and analyze my disappointments. Things are never as simple as we would love and many challenges of life are out of our control, coping with failure and disappointment is vital for our mind. Share a story of what or when you failed at something and what got you through.